Cinnamin's Space

2010-07-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

I miss you Daddy! On this day in 2003 I lost my best friend. My world changed...Forever.

Two years

2009-12-26T23:16:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today my Mom was set free from the disease that stole her thoughts, her memories, and her happiness. It robbed us of many days, weeks, months, years of the happy, loving woman she was. I missed her then. I miss her now.

I love you Mom!

Strange things are happening around here.

2009-12-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

So, I guess Mom wasn't the only one who wanted to say "hello". This afternoon I wrote a Christmas memory about my Dad on my Face Book page and stated that I miss him. An hour or so later my son and I went to the store to buy gifts for our dogs (toy candy canes, squeaky toys and rawhide bones) and then to another store to buy poinsettias to take out to my parents' gravesides. It was starting to get dark and by the time we got to the cemetery it was completely dark (and more than a little bit creepy) so we agreed to return in the morning when it was sunnier out there! Anyway... When we went to the first store, it looked like it may start to rain, so I made sure that the windows were all up and the doors locked before entering the pet store. We made that purchase and headed to our second store. Again checking the windows and locking up, we headed in and bought the two plants and returned to the car. I got this weird feeling, can't really describe it, just a feeling as we were walking toward the car. I unlocked the doors and placed the plants in the back seat, and got in. Suddenly I realized what was "off". All four windows were down about a quarter of an inch. I didn't say anything to my son, just rolled them up. By the way, there is no way to operate all four windows at once, you have to hit each switch individually. We got back to the house and I casually asked my husband if there had been anyway that he may have rolled my car windows down (I was at the store, he didn't know where we were and hadn't left the house while we were gone). He said, "It's weird that you asked me that, because last night I noticed that my driver's window was down about a quarter of an inch and thought it was strange."

I immediately made the connection. You see, any time my Dad was in his car he would "crack" the windows, year round. He would race out to the car if it rained to roll up his windows.

I just knew it was him. Merry Christmas Daddy!

.

Last year it was hearts on the counter...

2009-12-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

We spent the afternoon taking Christmas pictures. Imagine my surprise when I uploaded the photos to the computer to edit them and there was an additional person in the photo! Mom's shadow is clearly standing next to me in this picture! I spent a few minutes just looking at the photo and finally my husband noticed that I was crying. I didn't even notice the tears running down my face. I just pointed to the screen and asked him "who's shadow is that?". We were in our locked yard and the camera was on a self timer. Merry Christmas Mom!

Happy Halloween 2009!

2009-10-31T23:34:00.001-07:00

My son and I had quite the day today. He woke up talking about his costume, he kept talking about his costume; we went to the store, we baked cupcakes, we made sugar and ginger pumpkin cookies, made a small tray for my friend and her mom, and finally he was able to PUT ON his costume! We went trick or treating around the neighborhood and then took candy to hand out at hubby's work - 'Cause he was upset that he had to work tonight. And finally, finally, as I write this, my little guy has fallen asleep on the couch watching a Halloween cartoon tonight. Too much Halloween! I got stuck being a pirate wench again this year, at my husband's request. I really am starting to believe that he is just a touch afraid of me when I say that I'm going to pull out my favorite witch hat and dress up as my alter-ego at Halloween! :)

It has been a LONG day. I'm going to turn back my clocks and hit my pillow. I can't believe that when I wake up tomorrow it will already be NOVEMBER!

2009-10-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Another October has arrived.

Funny isn't it, how time passes, things change, but then they stay the same?

My son, who begins planning his Halloween costume nearly as soon as one Halloween ends, has just this week decided that he will be Spiderman this year. We ordered online as I could find not one Spiderman costume in local stores that was anywhere near his size. Now, I must wait and hope that it arrives in time!

Sorry for the time between posts! I hope and pray that everyone is well and happy and enjoying this Fall. I have only today checked in with my online family and I am ashamed to admit that it has taken me this long to check in with you.

Lori's recent post about her stop at the Chicago Quilt show brought both smiles and tears. I am so excited for you Lori, your journey is truly that, YOUR journey and I am blessed by sharing it with you by reading your adventures and your discoveries!

I have connected with Snick, Betsy, Flinty and Robyn on FaceBook, and we share a "hello" and little life snippits there thru the week which is great! Anyone else on FaceBook? Come by and say "hi"!

2009-07-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

Six years ago today we paid our final respects to my Dad.

July 31, 2003 was an exhausting day.

I remember while I was driving myself, my son and Mom to the cemetery she looked right

at me and said, "let's just skip this and keep driving until we get to Disneyland"...

And as I sit and think about that statement, and if you had known my Dad, I think he would have liked it if we had just gone ahead and celebrated his life at the Happiest Place on Earth.

He sure loved to go there, he liked to GO anywhere!

I miss you Daddy.

A strange happening of events...

2009-07-19T13:01:00.001-07:00

The afternoon of July 16th:

I spent a couple of hours hanging candle holders and a large Jackson Pollack print on the "blank" wall in my living room. Hubby came home and actually complimented me on my artistic balance, which was a shocker, as usually he isn't too thrilled with my decorating ideas. A short time later as I was logging on to the computer, my son was watching "Ghostbusters" and singing the theme over and over again, the print crashed to the floor directly in front of me, chipping the corner and hanging by one end of the strong (professionally installed) hang wire. This same print had spent the last year hanging over my side of the bed in our bedroom up until this afternoon. That was weird. I plan to take this into a frame shop for repair and to find out if there was a problem or if this is something...else.

July 19th:

4:30 AM and I am awakened. I take a moment to try to think of what had woken me and then I smell it. I turned me head and look at my husband, he turns and looks back at me with a questioning look. He said, "you should go check the stove" and I asked him why. I took another sniff and said, "do you smell that" and his answer was "gravy". I said, "onions" and he again said "gravy". We (he) decided that it must be the neighbors cooking something so strong that we could smell it in our house. Not that this has ever happened before, or that is it 4:30 in the morning. We fell back to sleep. While making breakfast this morning, it hit me. Today is Sunday. EVERY Sunday when I was a child, my father would "brown" a roast beef and huge chunks of onion in a large pot. He would turn the oven on low and put the pot in so that when we came home from church there would be a nice pot roast waiting for our Sunday dinner. THAT was the smell. I swear it! Of course, there was no pot roast in the oven when I got up, but wow, that was strange!

By the way, no hearts for a while...Just in case anyone was wondering.

2009-07-06T00:34:00.000-07:00

Fireworks were fun, food was (over) filling, and the heat took a miniature break as a nice breeze blew in and cooled us down to a chilly 99 instead of the 112 of July 3rd!

My son and I made bouquets for my mom and dad and took them out to the cemetery in the early afternoon. I kinda lost it then...and when the classical music came on to the fireworks over Washington D.C. and Boston Harbor on television last night I felt like my heart was being wrung out. My dad would tell me the name of each song played, he was always on the edge of his seat, so excited for the Holiday of the fourth of July. I sat, listening to the music and watching the fireworks, with tears running down my cheeks. I finally concluded that Dad had THE BEST seat to watch his beloved Boston Pops celebration and finally, finally I could stop the tears.

One of my favorite memories of this day was the year that both my husband and my father were racing away as they lit those oh so necessary fireworks in the front of my parents home. I can still hear mom and I telling them, like the little boys they seemed, to "be careful". My mom actually went over and rolled up my dad's pant legs so that he could run! A really great memory. I'm SO glad that I have those, but at the same time, it hurts, so much to know that they are no longer here to share these times with us again. I am now the only one in my house who enjoys potato salad and deviled eggs. Dad loved both. Of course I had to make them, for tradition sake, and I sat at the table and thought of him, as I attempted to enjoy these treats myself.

In response to the inquiries about the work on the house:

I am beyond disgusted and stressed to the point of blowing the bathroom up!

The maintenance man came to work about three times in June. He told me that they found a spot on his lung, cancer. He told me that his girlfriend was moving back to her hometown, several hours north of us, and that he was planning to move with her. He promised to complete the work here before they moved. And then... He stopped showing up, would not return my emails or phone calls, and finally I sent a registered letter explaining that he had not completed ANY of the jobs that he was commissioned to complete, telling him that I felt that he had betrayed my trust and taken advantage of us, and demanding that he either refund us or complete the work in the next ten days. The plan now is small claims court.

The tenth day is tomorrow. Any bets on him showing up for work??

Happy July 4th!

2009-07-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.july4th.org/

The Boston Pops is an annual event at our house - My dad started me watching it on TV years ago and we watch it every year, in honor of him, AND because its fun!

June 3rd

2009-06-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my parent's 54th Wedding Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. I miss you both so very much.

Memorial Day

2009-05-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

Land of the free, because of the brave.

Thank you United States Soldiers. God bless you for all that you do!

To the men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom and for the Country that I live in and love; I will not forget to remember you.

To my parents who gave unconditional love until the day they each left this earth; I miss you more than words could ever say and promise to make you proud. I love you forever and always.

you say its your birthday, its my birthday too

2009-05-22T01:11:00.001-07:00

Hubby has to work on my birthday, so we celebrated early! I love birthday cake! :)

Another shake and bake in CA

2009-05-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

There was a 5.0 earthquake in Los Angeles last night. We didn't feel it, but I heard from a few people in that area and they sure did feel a nice jolt! This just happened to coincide with the hottest day of the year so far - It hit 109 on my back porch, but the new assured us that it was "only" 105 out there! Today is heating up as well with some humidity which is unusual for our area and makes for a swamp like feeling outside today. Think I'll be hanging out INSIDE!

I'm sure that you are bored with hearing my problems. I know I'm tired of them!
However, I thought I'd take a quick moment and fulfill any curiosity on the bathroom saga here. Not much to update on. No work has been attempted. I'm SO frustrated with it, but no sure where to go from this point. I did receive a Mother's Day phone call from the handyman who assured me that he was feeling better and would be here the following day (last Monday) and of course, he did not show or call since that phone call. A week from today is my birthday and hubby asked what I wanted for a gift and my answer was "a bath in my new tub". I'm a little down over this whole mess. : (

Another Monday

2009-05-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

This morning the phone rang and it was my handyman sounding awful, authentically ill, coughing, sneezing and just miserable. He said that he was heading to the Dr this morning and if he isn't feeling better "in a day or so" he will be sending a worker to finish my house. This last part was music to my ears! I'm still waiting, but I feel that spark of hope beginning to light up again.

My husband and I had made an agreement NOT to speak of the incomplete bathroom, or bring up the handyman's name (even in vain) over the weekend and so for the first time in a month, even tempers and relaxation were prevalent on the home front.

Today's mail brought a gift filled package and beautiful cards for both Mother's Day and my Birthday at the end of the month from my step-daughter in Washington. She's a great kid, well, she's a great woman, but she'll always be my kiddo!

This weekend will most likely be an emotional one. My son is making a card with a special picture to go with the flowers that we plan to take out to Grandma. I am blessed, so very blessed to have so many happy memories with both of my parents and this is what I hope to keep centered in my thoughts as we celebrate Mother's Day and the grace, wisdom and love of Mom's everywhere.

Fight Night!

2009-05-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

We're munching on tacos and nachos as we await the start of the

Pacquiao/ Hatton fight tonight on HBO!

http://www.livehbo.info/boxing/index.html?gclid=CNy76uH_npoCFQkzawodYGEL8w

Relaxation is the key word of the evening

and I leave you with the words of my favorite Foodnetwork Star

Guy Fieri

http://www.foodnetwork.com/diners-drive-ins-and-dives/index.html

http://www.guyfieri.com/

"Love, peace and taco grease"!

Phone call...Should I worry??

2009-05-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

My handyman didn't show or call all day today.

I waited for steam to begin to puff out of my husband's ears as he went into his daily rant and formulated a plan to take "this guy to court".

And then.

The phone rang right in the middle of our Jeopardy contest; another story, but suffice to say that we are serious about Jeopardy. We watch the show and play along, keeping score and declaring ourselves "the champion", occasionally, well, okay, usually, when I win, I've been known to break out with Queen's anthem, "We are the Champions" - Substituting "I" for "We"....But, I digress.

The phone rang, I knew that it was someone who did not know us as usually we will ignore the phone during the show. My son grabbed for the phone. Hang on, having a little problem here. Got it.

On the phone was the handyman's girlfriend. She went into a long story about how he wanted her to call and tell us that he has not forgotten us. Uh huh, okay, I'm losing the contest 'cause I knew that answer and she's going on and on about how she has two kids and doesn't need another so he better just stay back there and not bother her.

What? I stopped her and asked why he has to stay in the back. "He's sick" was her answer. Apparently he has been having dizzy spells, body aches and one side of his face is numb.

I'm listening with one ear and considering smacking my husband who is happily continuing to add to his score even though he sees that I'm on the phone here.

Commercial break and I hear the girlfriend telling me that he won't go to the doctor and that he's acting like a child and she doesn't need another child. I'm thinking that she's "really concerned there, honey". Finally she says again that he wanted to let us know that he will be back when he's feeling better. I thanked her for calling and letting me know what is going on.

By this time the game is over, hubby has a grin on his face (he has won tonight) and I'm sitting there.

I'm sitting there holding the phone and thinking that the handyman had been talking the other day about the fact that that his father had arrived around the middle of April for a visit. From Mexico.

Does anyone know if these are symptoms of this Swine Flu?? Kinda worried over here!!

2009-05-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure of the spelling of the sound that I am making in my mind as I begin this post. It goes something like "pfffffffffffffftttttttttttt" and ends with a sigh.

Nothing. Yes, I said it, "nothing" has changed since my last post.

Wait. I lied.

I did get the pool pumped out and refilled, chlorine added and vacuumed twice.

And then, the weather dropped by 30 degrees. True story. It went from 100 for three days to barely hitting 70 with a nice wind (read here dirt blowing) all of this week, with rain due in this weekend.

I'm not really complaining because it is so rare that we have Spring between the cooler Winter and the beastly hot Summer weather. Have I mentioned before that I hate the heat? I still hate the heat.

The grumpy handyman has been here for a few hours here and a few hours there, not really accomplishing much, and irritating my husband to the point where words were exchanged. Not to the point of, "you're fired" but really, really close, right on the boarder of "get your act together" and "hurry up and finish the job". So basically I now have a grumpy handyman and a growly hubby. I'm here to tell you, I'd rather not deal with either at this point in the game. I just want to be able to escape to my bathtub and close the world out for a while. I didn't know that this was so much to ask. I really miss my bathtub!

About the work on the house...

2009-04-19T10:01:00.001-07:00

Just an update. I thought you all might like to know that we are still working over here. I'm a bit frustrated, hubby is ranting and I have a knot the size of a monster fist in my back.

However; The french doors are up, but not completed. My pots and pans are stacked in the center of my kitchen because the cabinet that they were were stored in was where the water leak was located and had to be repaired, it is still not completed. See the kitchen floor tiles scraped up? That's where the bathroom hot water leaked under the cabinets. Am I having fun yet? The bathroom, well, the highlight is that the new toilet has been installed and is working (!!!) and the window, sink, vanity and my new light fixture are installed as well. The new medicine cabinet had a great fall and the mirror was broken prior to install and I had to make a mad dash to Lowe's to find one the same dimensions to fit into the hole in the wall! That was fun. Apparently, this is a smaller size and was a pain to find - Lowe's was my third store, but I found one. The tile is partially completed, we ran out of the tile that my handyman brought (when he bid the job he talked me into the tile that he had on hand) - And we cannot find a match - SO - we got inventive and sketched out a pattern with the FLOOR tile and he spent hours cutting small triangles yesterday to fulfil the design - Which has yet to make it to the wall. The floor is placed, but not yet grouted. Yesterday was one of the longest work days that he's had and all day he was fighting with his girlfriend on the phone which made for a grumpy handyman!

I did make a big breakfast for us all though, biscuits and gravy, cowboy potatoes, garlic/cheese scrambled eggs and sausage - Had to have energy for the day!

My mind is racing as I'm contemplating painting the rest of the kitchen as he is still working in the bathroom, which has to be painted yet as well. It is supposed to be 100 degrees here tomorrow - IN APRIL - A bit early for us, and I'm really, really hoping that the heat is not here to stay, because it would go on until the early part of October! I have been trying to push myself to get the pool ready and now we've gone from a week of rain and 60's to 100! Guess I should have stood out there in the rain and cleaned the pool! Anyhow, the plan is to pump the pool out tomorrow, scrub, scrape and paint the ladder and then refill the pool. We'll see how THAT plan goes! :)

Easter Morning...Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Easter Eggs, clues to find wrapped gifts of toys and candy,

an Easter Basket and a card that plays "The Bunny Hop"!

My son had a fun Easter Morning!

Easter Bunny Visit...Finally!

2009-04-11T22:19:00.000-07:00

We've been trying to get to see the Easter Bunny all week and FINALLY, tonight we made it to the mall!

Easter Eggs!

2009-04-10T22:18:00.001-07:00

Getting ready to eat chocolate bunny ears!

2009-04-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

The work continues on the house. Still nothing is completed and today is a "sick day" as my handy man's son shared a virus with him and he is at home today. I hope and pray (really) that he does not share it with us as well!

Easter Sunday is an anticipated event in our world. The Easter Bunny tends to leave eggs filled with treats and clues (to find an Easter basket, prizes and candy hidden around the house) on Easter morning. My son is nearly bouncing off the walls as he counts down the days. We are heading to the mall to visit the Easter Bunny this week and will most likely stop into See's candy and pick up an early treat!

I received my basket early this year!! My son and hubby surprised me yesterday with a huge basket filled with some neat goodies and candy (yes, peanut butter eggs are an annual necessity to me) and a wireless mouse for my computer! I am loved! :)

It all started with my kitchen doors

2009-04-02T16:04:00.000-07:00

It all started with my kitchen doors. I think I wish I'd left the kitchen doors alone. I have always, always hated the sliding glass door between the kitchen and laundry room. I saw a set of french doors (old/ used) on Craig's list... I wanted them, I could envision them gracing the space of that hated sliding door. I had to have them. I called and the guy told me that not only was I the first caller (!!) But that he would deliver (again !!) the doors to my home! I agreed, he did so, and the rest is history. Turns out that he is a "handy man/ Jack-of-all trades" and for a few more $ he would sand, paint, frame and hang the doors! I was excited! I had planned to let the doors (my vision) languish in the garage with the rest of my "to do" projects until I was ready. OK. So, here's the rest of the story. I ripped out the glass sliding door with a vengeance, yanked out the frame and was ready to see my new doors hanging there, shining in a glowing spotlight as in my vision. However; As he was working on the door install, it was discovered that the dripping water in the bathroom, from the hot water stem, which WAS on my to do list of things had created a nice, ugly mess under my kitchen floor tile (also on my to do list). Guess what?!? He could fix this as well! Okay, well now, we have the doors partially installed and a hot mess under the kitchen floor, the bathroom is growing a strange fungi behind the tub, but he can fix it. Luckily, in my stock of project materials, I had already ordered the new bathtub, cabinet, sink and toilet for the bathroom. He can fix it. The walls were demolished, the jacuzzi tub cut in half and pulled out, the old vanity, sink and toilet all went the way of all garbage and then the window was removed... Fast forward to today... Six days later. Items that I can stamp "done" the plumbing for the shower is installed and the tub has been placed. There is still no window in my bathroom. My doors are still not completely installed. I am really wishing that I had not seen that ad on Craig's list. Or, I'm really wishing that I had just put the doors in the garage. I'm holding out hope for patience and for tomorrow, for after all tomorrow is another day.

Kiss me, I'm Irish! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

And there is blue blood in my veins! Ha! Anyone wanna claim kissing cousins with me? Here are two of my ancestors! I'm working with Ancestory. com and there is more blue blood, another King or two and some Earls to mention a few. Also some Scotts, French and Danes are there.Interesting stuff to be found out there! :)

Dunghal* MACFEARGHAL (King)
760 - ____
TITLE: King
BIRTH: 760, Ossory,Ireland

Family :
Cearbhaill* MACDUNGHAL

March 13 and 14th

2009-03-15T00:02:00.000-07:00

So, March 13th, yes, really, Friday the 13th was my wedding anniversary! It was actually Friday the 13th when we got married and just as we stepped out the door after the ceremony, a huge rumble of thunder and a lightening bolt lit the sky... Well that's what I get for PLANNING to get married on that day. I really felt the need to temp the fates. We're still together, no regrets, happily marking our 11th year as husband and wife, so I guess waving that red flag was a good thing! :)

March the 14th was the annual visit of Mr. Olympia to my husband's favorite health food store. We spent a couple of hours hanging out with a nice size crowd and chatting to the visiting muscle men. Photos above of my husband and son with Jay Cutler and Flex Wheeler.

Rain...

2009-02-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

"Oh its raining cats and dogs, pitter, patter, pitter patter.
Oh its raining cats and dogs, splash and splatter, splash and splatter.
Oh its raining cats and dogs, don't you think enoughs enough?
Its raining cats and dogs...Meow, ruff-ruff!" - My son's 1st grade group song

It has been raining on and off for two weeks here. This is unusual for our area. I am beginning to feel the pull of "gotta get working on the house" again. I now have the excuse of the rain. The paint will not dry in this damp weather. The days are starting to get warmer, the promise of Spring in the air reminds me to take advantage of these days before the heat settles in for the 100+ temperatures of Summer in the San Joaquin Valley.

I haven't posted recently because there really hasn't been too much going on. I'm a boring person!

I'm reading your blogs and thinking of your adventures in life and find myself fleshing out memories and random thoughts in my mind, wondering what it is that I am suppose to be doing and then...I realize that I haven't completed the tasks that I planned. Its strange, I'm just floating along right now. So strange to me. As you know by now, I'm a planner. I like to do things on my schedule and now it seems as if I'm battling with my own schedule, and I'm way behind but my usual push, my initiative, my drive is missing. This concerns me. I must get back to "me" and I'm not sure if I can. Or if I really want to. What's wrong with me?

Thomas the Tank Engine, Live!

2009-02-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

My son and I had an adventure yesterday. We attended "Thomas the Tank Engine; The Circus Comes to Town" live on stage! Dancing, clapping, sing-a-longs and a couple hundred other yelling children completed our two hour show. We had fun! Thomas the Tank remains a favorite here. My Dad started my son's collection before he was a year old and it has grown to over 150 trains, engines and tractors. More about Thomas here> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_the_Tank_Engine

Today

2009-02-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Magic Johnson was at Borders today. My husband waited in line beginning at 6 this morning, but he got to meet him! My son and I ran through the rain, fought traffic, and basically waited too long. Hubby was outside of the store when we arrived, with his signed copy of our basketball how to video staring none other than the former Laker, and a copy of Magic's new busines book. Lots of people, and a completely disorganized mess inside, but I still took a couple of photos and then walking to our car, we saw "The Limo" and took a quick picture of that as well.

2009-02-07T00:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to my Mom!

I miss you.

I love you for always...and ever.

My Little Guy's Birthday!

2009-02-04T10:52:00.001-08:00

Wow - I still can't believe that my baby is 10 years old!

Super Sunday Pictures

2009-02-03T11:46:00.000-08:00

I thought you might enjoy these. Today is my son's birthday, so there will be birthday pictures on here soon!

Groundhog day

2009-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

Groundhog day has always been a big event at my house.

Today would have been my Dad's 80th Birthday. I miss him SO much!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

The above is my son's groundhog coloring page and poem for today.

And below is a link if you are interested in learning more about our hero for today, Phil!

http://pittsburgh.about.com/cs/punxsutawney/a/groundhog_day.htm

Hubby's Birthday

2009-01-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

My hubby's birthday was Monday. We didn't do the "big" party thing this time. He had already received two early (and too big to wrap) gifts; a cannon for the pirate room, it does not work, just for display, but he HAD to have it, and a punching bag stand for his workout room, so I didn't get to do the lots of presents on the table thing, but he still had a nice day. I made, at his request, a London broil for dinner and my son told our local bakery how he wanted his dad's cake to look, like a flame filled guitar, so there you go. Did I mention that he's decorating the pirate room? I'm STILL not finished with it, I'm waiting to finish painting until it is warmer outside! Maybe by NEXT Halloween! Ha!

Sunday is Super bowl and my cousin Jimmy, from Pittsburgh, sent us a Super bowl Party BOX filled with beads, pins, pennants and of course, our very own Terrible Towels! He's crazy, but I love him! My husband is a hard-core St. Louis Rams fan. He wasn't too thrilled to see this come in the mail, he's really wanting to see Kurt Warner do well. However, since my Dad was born and raised in Pittsburgh, for him, we (well, my son and I for certain) will be cheering the Steelers on to victory this weekend! We're planning to graze all day. I'm making a party platter with onion rings, chicken wings, quesadillas, mozzarella sticks, taquitos, a little veggie tray with chips and dip and I'm prepping myself today, getting everything together and checking my list twice and thrice, 'cause I'm making tamales on Saturday!

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2009-01-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

Martin Luther King; I Have a Dream - Address at March on Washington, August 28, 1963. Washington, D.C.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation. [Applause]
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.
But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.
In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.
I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snow capped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

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May we all purge our petty prejudices against mankind and truly become "One Nation Under God" and be joined as one race, human.

2009-01-09T22:39:00.000-08:00

Please join me in prayer for Robyn and her Mom as they enter the final stage of Alz.

Goosebumps!

2008-12-31T14:47:00.000-08:00

I logged on today to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Sincerely, I do wish everyone the best. I wish you happiness. I wish you joy. I wish you peace. I wish you quiet moments and laughter. I wish you love. Happy New Year!

As I'm sitting here thinking of words to write, hubby brings in the mail. Hospice sent a card to us acknowledging that it has been a year since Mom passed. I opened the card and there was a heart at the top of the page. Not just a heart, a white on white heart. My mind immediately recalled our recent "visit" and the photo that I took of my white kitchen counter with a clear water heart and my own heart skipped a beat and then...

Goosebumps.

One year ago

2008-12-26T23:14:00.000-08:00

One year ago, we were in pre mourning as we held our breath in wait of the inevitable end of Mom’s pain. My dear friends were holding candlelight vigil and were waiting for the news that it was over. That she was free. That we could breathe again. One year ago at 1:30 on the morning of December 27, my Mom drew her last breath. It is my belief that at that moment she took my Dad’s hand and joined him in God’s Heaven.

After one month had dragged by, I asked if it were possible that you were gone for an entire month. A week later and it was Dad’s Birthday and then the following week, it was your Birthday Mom, both days were remembered by me, your son in law and your grandson. We sang “Happy Birthday” and talked about you both, sharing memories. I was able to smile, as my thoughts were that you were again able to celebrate your birthdays together. Another month and it only seemed like a few days had passed, and as each week built on to more and more months, time passed by and some days I felt that I was standing still, waiting to wake up and find that this was only a dream. Some quiet times I still catch myself listening for your call, or while washing the dishes, my mind will tell me that I need to check in on you. More months flew by and we arrived here, at one year.

What lessons have I taken from this experience of caring for my Mom as she battled and finally succumbed to this horrid disease? Life is NOT fair. and Time is SO precious.

Time is slow when you are counting those minutes, waiting for special times, celebrations or Holidays. Time passes too fast when you wish that the moment would last. Time stops for no one. Life goes on.

Mom, I miss you. Mom, I love you…Don’t forget to save me that place up there right next to you and Dad! I have faith that I will see you both again some day.

Right now, I am doing “okay” and trying to remember and apply these learned lessons each day. I just realized that one more lesson was garnered from this; Never, ever say “never”! If anyone had ever told me that I was capable of caring for Mom to the extreme care that was needed, that I was capable of holding her hand and actually telling her that it was “okay” to let go at the end of her life. I would have NEVER believed myself able to do any of this! I hope, really, really I do hope and pray, that I am never asked to have this responsibility, this tireless caring, this hard, back breaking, heart wrenching work, again…But, if I am called again. I now know that “I CAN”.

My friends, I can never thank you enough for your love, caring support and comfort as we went through all of the “stages” of this disease, up to and including the end of Mom’s life. I was so angry at this disease. I continue to hate this disease. You encouraged me and helped me cope. From my heart I Thank You!

It's December 24th!

2008-12-24T12:14:00.001-08:00

Guess what I was doing yesterday? I finally got the last tray wrapped up at 2 this morning. I'm tired! Napping this afternoon is mandatory! Wishing you all a blessed Christmas!

Mom saying hello

2008-12-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

I believe with all my heart that my parents are in Heaven. I have never believed in "ghosts". Yet, there have been times, those goosebump times, when I've heard a story that sounds so believable that I wanted to believe the storyteller. There have been times when I've wondered if those in Heaven check in with us. This is one of those times.

I should preface this entry by telling you that I collect heart jewelry. I sign the back of letters with a heart. It is kind of my icon.

We were bringing in groceries and putting them away. My husband turned to get a glass from the cabinet above the kitchen sink. A second later; I walk into the house with more grocery bags and he’s standing at the kitchen doorway calling me. He was stumbling over his words saying there’s your symbol, there’s your heart. I could not understand what he was saying and finally he just pointed to the sink counter. There, on the edge of my kitchen sink was a perfectly shaped heart made of water. My husband was freaking out and I just said, “It’s Mom saying hello” and kept on putting groceries away. Hubby was visibly shaken and he kept saying, “It is, isn’t it? It’s a heart. Do you really think that it is your Mom?”

I grabbed my camera, took photos, and said that I needed to post it on my blog.

Coincidence? What do you think??

Finally - Our tree is trimmed!

2008-12-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

2008-12-13T11:54:00.000-08:00

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my "virtual bell" ringing.

I'm hosting a Salvation Army Online Red Kettle and collecting donations to help those in need this Christmas.

My Kettle is just like those Red Kettles you see when you're out shopping, but it's online.

I'm doing this in honor of my parents.

If you'd like to donate, just click the link to my personal page below, and help The Salvation Army help thousands of people in need.

http://give.salvationarmyusa.org/goto/cinnamingirl

Thanks!

Two pots of poinsettias

2008-12-09T23:35:00.000-08:00

Two pots of poinsettias.
I place them side by side.
One on each head stone.
Tears blind my eyes.

Today we took poinsettias out to the cemetery. No decorated tree this year. My son and I have decorated a small tree and taken it out there for my Dad each Christmas. He loved every part of Christmas! The tree, the decorations, the flowers. Mom loved flowers, live flowers. So for each, we took a live, flowering poinsettia and placed them in honor of my parents.

I was not sure how this would go, but I did okay. I told my son that Grandpa and Grandma are in Heaven, celebrating Jesus’ Birthday with Him this year.

And then this afternoon, it happened. My second Christmas card of the season arrived in the mail. And there is was. I knew it was coming. And there it was… Inside the card was a little wallet size card with a poem. The Poem was called, “Merry Christmas from Heaven”. I did a search online and found this http://www.merrychristmasfromheaven.com/

I wasn’t ready for this card. But then, I wasn’t ready to be without my parents either.

Ever see that movie, “Scrooged”?? There’s a line in it when the grown man sees himself as a child, and then sees his parents as they were when he was a child…And… “Niagara Falls”. Well, that was me today. Not fun, but necessary.

More photos

2008-12-07T22:47:00.000-08:00

Two days of arguing later...And I thought that I was avoiding the stress of getting us into the photographer! These are "it" for family photos for Christmas this year!

photos for today

2008-12-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

Getting ready for Christmas, introducing my son, Santa! We took some Christmas photos today. This one of him came out pretty good, especially compared to some of the others!

Santa visit this year

2008-12-05T13:34:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

At our Thanksgiving table each year we ask each other what we are thankful for. My son is thankful for his parents, pets and friends. My husband for loved ones, for health and for most of his "toys". I am thankful for my family and I am thankful to count you all as my friends. My online family, my friends who "get it", who listen and who share a small portion of their lives with me through their blogs and through my own blog. I appreciate you all so much! As I read that some of our online family are ending their blogs, I am saddened to miss out on that window into their world. I will miss being able to "drop by" and to check in to see how their day, week or month has gone. I am not ready to end this blog. I enjoy posting silly stuff, serious stuff, and sharing bits and pieces of me with you. I enjoy your responses, you humble me with your sincere caring and make me feel like my feelings do count. I am thankful for you.

2008-11-26T20:58:00.000-08:00

The CROSSWALK

2008-11-22T15:00:00.001-08:00

Awesome!!

We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.

Whatever your cross, Whatever your pain, There will always be sunshine, after the rain....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;But God's always ready, to answer your call....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,A word from His lips, can calm every fear...Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, To give you His grace, and send you His love.

May God fill your day with blessings!!

2008-11-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

We had to take a ChuckECheese break after hitting the sale at ToysRUs this morning! Why did they build those places in the same shopping center?

2008-11-11T01:43:00.000-08:00

"Thank you United States Veterans! God Bless the U.S.A."

Sunday, Rainy Sunday

2008-11-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

All right. I admit it. I didn't get the house done by Halloween. The world did not stop revolving and I am not going to get down about it. I'm still working. And...I don't think it will ever get completed. I painted the ceiling and re-framed the porch windows yesterday. Today I am sore (I hate working over my head) and since it is raining I refuse to even think about painting today!

My son woke me this morning by telling me that there are 17 days until Thanksgiving! He's been checking in with the Macy's site http://www1.macys.com/campaign/parade/parade.jsp for parade updates and they finally have the parade line up listed! He's excited. I then stated that Christmas is less than a month from Thanksgiving. What's wrong with me?!? All day he's been writing and rewriting his Christmas list. Look out Santa, it looks like a bunch of gaming and DVD requests this year! I have the turkey in the freezer, ingredients for "grandma eve's green bean casserole" - The only green bean casserole that I've ever WANTED to eat, stuffing makings in the cabinet, and only a few missing items that I will need to shop for at the "last minute".

Traditionally, we watch the parade, eat until we're ready to burst, watch some football and a Christmas movie (I'm pushing for "Miracle on 34th Street") and then eat some more! Ha! I will make out my Christmas cards over Thanksgiving weekend, wrap and pack gifts that must be shipped and watch the crowds go wild at the stores from the safety of my living room. I don't think I'll be going out there this year. My Dad LOVED to hit all the after Thanksgiving Day sales. Hubby and I have gone a few times since Dad passed, but it is just not the same without him. I grew used to shopping online while taking care of Mom and find that this is still a viable option for me.

Looking back over this past year, life has changed quite a bit in some ways, and yet very little in others. Some times I still catch myself listening for Mom's voice calling out for me. Almost a year now and I still have that desire to "go check" on her.

****************************************************************************

Grandma Eve’s Holiday Green Beans

I know that this sounds...Unusual, but it really IS good! Not your traditional green bean casserole!

Heat oven to 350

You will need:

1 Large sauce pan

A 10 inch casserole dish

1 Gallon size zip lock bag

Ingredients:

3 cans DelMonte French cut green beans

1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup

1 small jar of Cheese Whiz

½ t Worcestershire sauce

13 saltine crackers

1 small can fried onions

1 T Butter, softened

Directions:

Place saltine crackers into the zip lock bag, seal and crush crackers with rolling pin.

Completely drain 2 cans of green beans

Reserve ½ of the fluid from the third can of green beans

Place ½ t Worcestershire sauce, contents of the cream of mushroom soup can plus the contents of the Cheese Whiz jar into the sauce pan. Stir while heating to just boiling. Remove from heat, stir in cracker crumbs. Once this is combined, add in all green beans and reserved liquid. Mix until beans are coated with sauce.

Grease casserole dish with 1 T butter and pour in the soup/ green bean mixture.

Place in 350 oven, uncovered, and bake for 20 minutes. Pull the casserole, top with fried onions and return to oven for 15 additional minutes.

It is November first!

2008-11-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

November? November! How did it get to be November already?!?

Are you ready? Here we gooooooo!
The countdown begins:
http://www.christmassantaclaus.com/clock.asp

A reminder:
Don't forget to turn back your clocks tonight! I'm turning ours back before everyone wakes up this morning...Just because I can...See, I'm a meanie!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, It is me!

2008-10-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share this photo, since we are one week from Halloween. I worked at a florist for a while and this was just one of the "perks"!

That's what I get for asking for help!

2008-10-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

I asked hubby to help me pull up the last of the living room carpeting. He sat down at the table and put on my son's "Mr. Nibble Ears" from Del Taco. Thanks Hon.

Thanks Mildred, I needed that!

2008-10-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

I received this email today. Thought I'd share!

The teacup

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, especially tea-cups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke to the couple; "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone!", but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!"

Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly "Not yet." He spun, poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then......he put me in the oven.

I never felt such heat! I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. "Help! Get me out of here!" I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side and again said, "Not yet". When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good!

Ah, this is much better, I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. Oh, please; "Stop it, Stop it!!" I cried. He only shook his head and said "Not yet".

Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate! I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up.

Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself." And I did.

I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful! I'm beautiful!"

Quietly he spoke "I want you to remember", then he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in the second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

The moral of this story is this: God knows what He's doing with each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mould us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work, to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this....

Brew a cup of your favorite tea, in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then... have a little talk with the Potter.

Happy!

2008-10-10T15:27:00.000-07:00

This is me today. While clearing out the "extra" closet this morning so that I can rip the carpet up I found my favorite fringed leather jacket that I haven't seen since we moved here! I was SO happy, I thought that it had gotten boxed up in one of the many Goodwill boxes and was gone forever! I was in such a weird mood after finding it that I had to put it on! I have no reason to get dressed up to go out anymore, it's been so long that I think I may have forgotten how to shoot pool! Oh No! LOL!

Speaking of happy, I was able to locate a Sonic mask for my son so he's a happy guy too!

I'm tired!

2008-10-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

Tired of patching the holes and misc messes found as I tear it up over here! I spent most of yesterday trying to gently peal off twelve 8" by 6' mirror strips and keep them intact. Ten made it, two are in shards. The paneling was next, put on before the carpet was installed, stuck to the wall with nails that should have been used on 2x4 wood posts, not paneling, and some sticky stuff that I hope was liquid nails. Because it was on the walls pre-carpeting, some of the carpet came up as well. Actually this is okay, as I plan to rip it all out too, but I didn't expect that it would be holding the paneling up! I was so happy to get the wall behind the TV stripped down that I almost forgave my parents for filling in half of the closet with an old closet door - Hidden behind the paneling and nearly 1/2 and inch off from the drywalling of the wall. Fun, fun, fun!

There is a part of me thinking that I should have just left the living room alone!

After an entire five gallons of drywall mud on the walls, I'm waiting for it to dry so that I can sand and paint. I just want it all done at this point. I'm shooting for Halloween for completion of the living room and front porch, but we'll see. I have blinds and flooring on order and I can almost feel a problem with those, and they're not even here yet! I still have major work to do in the front porch, shifting of junk so that I can get to the bar to stain it and the walls, and the floor, and...and...and did I mention that I am going to tackle the kitchen too? Maybe not by Halloween. Hmmmm.

My new bath tub was yet another event. The shipping company called and said that the tub had gotten lost (now that's a pretty large item to lose in the mail) and so I called Home Depot and explained what had happened, return and reorder, and then the phone rang last night. The shipper had located the tub and wanted to set delivery time. OK. So another call and the tub arrived this morning. Too bad that I am not ready to install it yet! Not even close to the bathroom demo! So now I have to find somewhere to store the tub until install day.

Anyway, that's what I'm up to. Hope everyone is doing well!

2008-09-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Nine months today.

How can it be?

In my mind's eye I can still see your smile.

I still listen for your voice.

I miss your laughter.

I miss you Mom!

2008-09-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sorting and scanning in photos and thought I'd share this one. Me, Mom and Dad in 1989. Also, I've posted a slide show below of their wedding if you'd like to see it. Well, maybe not. The slide show isn't showing the pics. SO. I'm going to post a few and then try again later.

My Office in the works. Plus a space for him.

2008-09-25T08:47:00.001-07:00

This paneling STAYED on. I cheated. I primed and painted over it. When I pulled the paneling from around this closet, I found that there was NO wall behind the paneling, so I ended up doing a bit of framing and dry wall (not a favorite). I was kind of afraid to pull any more in this room!

See this closet? White to grey to brown and you can hardly see it at all. Hubby freaked out at that color! It was worth it! :) I painted the walls a coffee with cream color. He now calls this room "the butterscotch room" and doesn't like it at all. That's fine with me! Here's a clue honey bunz, this is MY office and I happen to LIKE the colors! ; )l

The closet ended up as media storage, there is just NO room for all of our DVDs (in the small cabinets) and my son's videos have now filled THIS space plus a tall bookcase - AFTER I made him give up all of the "baby/pre-school" vids! He's out of control with this stuff! At least his DVDs are in his room! As I begin clearing out the next room to be attacked, I had to empty out the entertainment center and ended up putting a lot of the nick knacks from the living room in here. Not all of this junk will be staying in this room.

My cats are happy, their cat climbing houses are right in front of the window. For now. Little do they know that my desk will soon be taking this wall over!

Did I mention that I made a guitar room (just a little space) for hubby? Here's that pic as well.

Well, back to work! Actually I need to get in the yard and start cutting the roses back. So I'm off.

Take care my friends!

Fair Day!

2008-09-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Our annual pilgrimage. This morning was spent at the local county fair. My son and I saw many animals; cows, pigs, goats, sheep, rabbits, chickens, a wallaby and several snakes, birds and lizards! Today was "school day" at the fair and we, along with a thousand other school children, pre-school through sixth grade, got to enter and park for free! The weather was nice, in the high 70's, and we enjoyed our stroll through the fairgrounds. Happy Fall Everyone!

2008-09-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

Graffiti on our wall...

I'm starting on my office. So exciting to be actually getting things completed! I'm still stressing the mess around me, but it is shrinking down a bit!

My friend Sheri is doing better. They have her on a million prescriptions, but she is home again and out of bed for several hours a day. Was the Dr. wrong? If so, this has got to be the wake up call of the century for her. Am I awful for telling her that she cannot do this to me?? I told her that I've had a bad year and just can't take any more, she's GOT to take care of herself and get better!

Thinking today of my friends who will this month mark the one year anniversary of the loss of their loved ones. How is it possible that one year has passed already?

I am still holding each of you close in thought and prayer. I vow to light a candle in tribute on these dates as each of you honor the memory of your loved one:

9/17/07-Lori's Helen

9/20/07-Nancy's Russ

9/21/07-Flinty's dad

Whew! Nearly there!

2008-08-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Finally - I'm almost finished with my son's room. I'm just one piece of framing off. It was cut wrong - how did that happen?? Will finish this today. I still can't believe that it has taken this long. The key here is motivation. I just had to get some motivation. Actually, turns out that I just had to get sick and tired of the disaster that is my home and get moving! Ha!

My little guy is thrilled with his new room. Yesterday I broke down his bunk bed from the "spare room" (soon to be my office!!!!!) and moved it into the Thomas the Tank room and put it all back together. Finally. Today my back is letting me know that perhaps this was not the smartest thing to do alone. But, at least it is in his room now and he's happy with it!

Things should progress pretty quickly from here on in... Right?!?

At least our 100+ temps have let up a bit. It was only 91 yesterday! Come on, hurry up FALL!

Prayer Request!

2008-08-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

This is an update to my earlier entry regarding my friend Sheri.

I have just received a phone call from Isabella, my friend's mother. Sheri has been my friend since childhood, she is 40 years old, a single mom with two teen children. Her mother called to tell me know that Sheri is back in the hospital (she's been there twice this month). She also let me know that the tests that the doctor's have been running (so many, many blood tests) have come back that Sheri has cirrhosis of the liver. Apparently it is very much progressed and the out look is grim. They said that she is "probably not" a candidate for a transplant and that she may have only 3 - 6 months to live. Please pray! We need a miracle! There is always hope - She is young - Her children need her.

The sneezing season?

2008-08-14T08:38:00.001-07:00

I don't know if it is the season or the poor air quality, but my allergies are in overdrive this week!

Itchy eyes, coughing, sneezing, scratching throat, wheezing and then...It goes away...It comes back...It won't leave!

They will be "shaking the trees" in the Techachapi mountains http://www.tehachapicityhall.com/ in the next few weeks for harvesting. This is usually the time when my allergies go crazy with all the dust in the air. I'm early this year. Maybe due to all of the fires burning in the state this summer.

Nothing much going on with me. I'm still dragging my feet working on the house, but then, it has been over 100 every day and I just can't get motivated to get on the sun porch in that heat! I did have the paint mixed for the walls and ceiling out there and brought home even more paint samples for the living room walls - We just can't agree! It has been decided that we're putting in walnut flooring. After many arguments that we can't use oak, pine, teak, bamboo or ash as they will look bad with the cherry furniture that we already have. I did find the perfect entry door, now just have to get it when it is in stock, it has not been in stock the last two times that I've been to home depot. I may end up ordering online.

My friend since childhood, Sheri, has been in and out of the hospital this month. She is really weak and can hardly stand up. They have run test after test and found that she MAY have a liver disease, but still running additional tests. I'd like to ask that you send up a prayer for her. She is a single mom with two teenagers. Thanks.

2008-08-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

A new month. August already! Who sped time up? Where did these last months go?

The electrician showed up! Horray! I have a new outlet in my bedroom, can hook up the TV, DVD, stereo and...Most importantly, video games! YEAH! I'm just SO excited that not only did he SHOW UP, he worked! The pool motor is back on it's timer, the garage switch is no longer broken and he has an associate who is going to come over and give me an estimate to install the wooden floors! It is always nice to be able to post something POSITIVE!

Other than that - I baked (yep, 101 outside and I turned on the oven - I'm certifiable for sure) two stuffed chickens and made a nice dinner last night. Which left me a lot of nice chicken chunks for homemade chicken noodle soup, which has been simmering all day.

I'm ready for Winter, or at least Fall's cooler nights with a promise of crisp days. My son has already been choosing a Halloween costume (he wants to be Sonic the Hedgehog, not sure how I'm going to pull that one off!) and his Christmas list has been growing since late March! I'm raising a planner. Is that good thing? Sometimes it seems to take away from the events by overplanning for them. Hmmmmm.

Shake and Bake!

2008-07-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

An earthquake gave me a jolt this morning. Lamps swinging, blinds swaying, and I'm sitting on the computer wondering if it is an earthquake...Duh! I went to our local news site online and sure enough - We're shaking!

My Dad used to say that it was God, like the parent that He is, giving us a shake and telling us to "wake up and walk straight"!

Anyone else in CA have that weird, floor flexing feeling today?? Hope you are all OK!

Lori, did you feel that?!?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quake shakes S. California; No injuries reported
Published - Jul 29 2008 01:23PM PDT AP
By ROBERT JABLON - Associated Press Writer

A strong earthquake shook Southern California on Tuesday, causing buildings to sway and triggering some precautionary evacuations. There were no immediate reports of damage or injuries. The jolt was felt from Los Angeles to San Diego, across the border in Tijuana, Mexico and slightly in Las Vegas.
The 11:42 a.m. quake was initially estimated at 5.8 by the U.S. Geological Survey but was revised downward to 5.4. More than a dozen aftershocks quickly followed, the largest estimated at magnitude-3.8.
The quake was centered 29 miles southeast of downtown Los Angeles near the San Bernardino County city of Chino Hills, and was estimated to be about 8 miles below the earth's surface.
"It will certainly cause cracked plaster and broken windows, but probably not structural damage," said seismologist Kate Hutton at the USGS office in nearby Pasadena.
The magnitude-5.9 Whittier Narrows quake in 1987 was the last big shake in that area. That quake heavily damaged older buildings and houses in communities east of Los Angeles.
"We had forgotten what a big earthquake felt like, at least I did," Hutton said. "It's a drill for the big one that's going to happen someday."
The Governor's Office of Emergency Services had received no damage or injury reports, said spokesman Kelly Huston in Sacramento.
Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Brian Humphrey said there were no immediate reports of damage or injury in Los Angeles. San Bernardino and San Diego counties also had no immediate reports of damage.
Buildings swayed in downtown Los Angeles for several seconds.
Workers quickly evacuated some office buildings.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday

2008-07-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, July 27th marked five years since my Dad has been gone and seven months since Mom joined him in Heaven. What a long day yesterday was.

I finally ordered a headstone for Mom. Simple grey granite, her name, dates of birth and death, the fact that she was a wife, mother and grandmother, and a rose with a banner that states that we love and miss her. I will go this afternoon to pay for the stone and the "setting fee". My guilt over NOT getting this done will be gone. I'm not sure why it took my so long to order her marker. With Dad, I was rushing around, details, details, details, check on Mom, deal with visitors, and then more details from the moment we received that dreadful call from the hospital that he had "expired". "EXPIRED" that was the word she used to tell us that Dad was gone. It just really, even though we were in shock to receive this call, it really struck me as a poor choice of word to use to inform us of his death. Ordering his stone was just another detail, a continuation of events to deal with. I agonized over "what to say", I poured over photos of different colors, styles, and sayings. I ended up with something that just popped into my head, not anything that I read in the pages written for my choosing. I chose a cross with Lillies, his favorite flower, and wrote "So Loving and Kind. Beautiful Memories you left behind." Five years. I still can't believe he's gone. I still miss my parents.

Back to the task at hand.

2008-07-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm back to peeling yet more paneling off the walls. Still not completely finished with any one room, but they are on the way! Only single layer in the living room, but the paneling is almost as old as I am and REAL wood, the thick stuff, with many, many coats of varnish to seal it to the walls and of course it is on ALL THREE walls in here, so I'm having to remove the window trim and finding all kinds of interesting things behind the panels as they come down. Holes, patches and a whole lot of unfinished sheet rock! It already looks bigger and lighter in here. My plan is to have hardwood floors installed and paint the walls a toast color, leave the wood trim and refinish the front door. The enclosed front porch will be our pirate cove. Ceiling and the top trim will be brownish red and then I'm going for a Tuscany feel tobacco yellow with brick floor. I've been looking at bamboo blinds for the windows out there. I can see it in my mind and the artist in me says "I think I can" so we'll see! Both bathrooms are crying for attention. I'm hoping to have a friend help out with the tiling and replacing the fixtures (the plan is to pull out and replace the Jacuzzi tub) and re tile the floors and the second bathroom shower. Still lots to do. It is beginning to feel like our home, little steps over here, but I feel that I'm reentering the zone.

A fire hazard was found in one outlet that was for some unknown reason filled with cardboard between the box and the paneling! Kind of glad that I found that one! The outlets are all going to have to be replaced in here and some of the boxes as well. Speaking of that: I don't know if we have a huge red X on the house or what but I can't seem to get an electrician to come out more than one time! They never come back. I'm a nice person, my checks don't bounce, I don't think we smell, I don't get it.

2008-07-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

Quick update - Thanks everyone - The rash is gone. I'm over that panic attack.

2008-07-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm freaking out. I won't lie. I'm losing it folks. Yesterday late afternoon I HAD to take a minute for me. My back was hurting and I just needed a minute. Well, I sat my son at the computer and got in the tub and read a few chapters of a book (my own "cure all"). When I got out I noticed a rash on my arm, then more under the arm, and in a small patch on my back. OK. heat rash, allergy, or something. No worries. Right. THEN, I got on the computer. Looking up this weird rash, it is flat reddish polka dot spots that don't itch. Now, I'm freaking out. The more I looked, the worse it got. It looks a lot like the photos of something called "Petechiae" and I found a link http://my.clevelandclinic.org/disorders/immune_thrombocytopenic_purpura_itp/hic_idiopathic_thrombocytopenic_purpura.aspx
along with the photo (my rash is smaller dots than this photo) which freaked me out even more.

Taking care of Mom, well, I didn't really take care of me. I have no doctor so I don't know who to call. I just hope it GOES AWAY and I don't have to deal with another problem. I'm not ready to deal with a health problem. I'm really thinking that I deserve a break here.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I don't want to alarm hubby, he's not the most sympathetic person on the block and will probably BLAME me for getting whatever this is... I'm really wishing that I didn't have a computer and that I hadn't looked this up at this point. It could be nothing at all. Sorry for the panic attack. I'm breathing in and out, in and out.

2008-07-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

So much still to do and here I sit, writing about it on my computer. The lazy days of Summer are here and I just don't feel like "doing" anything. Paint is on sale at Home Depot through today and I am still undecided on which colors I should choose and really just don't want to go out in the heat and trudge to the store. Looks like this is one sale that I will miss. What is the next holiday? Labor day? Ok, maybe I'll have my colors decided by then and they'll have another sale! : )

We had a nice relaxing fourth of July. Last year Mom was peeking out the door afraid of the noise and fireworks in the neighborhood. She didn't want to be outside with us and didn't want us out there with her in the house. She kept turning the front lights on and off and beckoning to us to come in the house. It is still strange to be able to swim in the afternoon and not worry about Mom running out the front door or calling and waving me in the house, to be able to go to the store with out planning for someone to be home with her. Still strange to be able to sleep, really sleep, without keeping my ears (and one eye) open. It is hard to believe that we lived like that for such a long time. But still... I miss her. I so much wish that things had been different. That she could have lived HAPPILY until the end. I hate that this disease robbed us all of so much.

We're Ready for the 4th!

2008-07-03T18:38:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-03T18:11:00.001-07:00

Comment Graphics and Myspace Layouts at pYzam.com

2008-07-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the fireworks booths opened on July 1st at 12noon here?

Well, I know this is fact because my son has told me this 100+ times since noon on July 1st!

Getting ready to plan our 4th - My son will organize his fireworks by size and drive us up the nearest wall asking when we can set the first one off. This will begin sometime after dark on the 3rd!

My Dad LOVED fireworks. He was just "one of the kids" every year. Lighting them and racing out of the street back onto the sidewalk to watch. He just loved fireworks! Every year we would watch the Boston "pops goes the fourth" on TV and he was in tears from the music and beauty on the screen. Mom, well, she tolerated the noise and smell and us "kids" with our fun.

This year I will choose I special fountain and will set it off in honor of my parents. It will be our "finale" this year. I think Dad would appreciate that. God, I miss them!

six months = 182.6 days

2008-06-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

Six months ago today I said “goodbye” to my Mom for the last time.

Six months ago today my Mom was reunited with my Dad in God’s Heaven.

Six months ago I was caught up in sadness, grieving and saying goodbye to the Mother who had been slowly leaving me, one memory at a time, for years.

Six months ago I was singing to my Mom, holding her hands and waiting for each breath as she wasted away. Horrible. Just horrible!

I’m still sad.

I still hate Alzheimer’s Disease.

I miss her every day.

What day is it anyway?

2008-06-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

Why does it seem that the days are all blending into thesameday? I look at the calender and see that we are mid-June and I wonder where the days, weeks, months have gone.

Father's Day came and went. Hubby is thrilled with his new ipod and I am thrilled that my CD collection can remain in the CD carousel of my stereo instead of sliding around in his car getting scratched up!

I did not go to the cemetery to leave flowers for my Father. This is the first year that I didn't go out there on Father's Day. It is just so hard to go out there now. They are both there, side by side and it is just so...Final...And I am so sad to "know" that they are both gone. When I do not have this final vision right in front of me, I can imagine that they are on one of their getaway adventures. Dad was a "goer". He liked to be on the go. They would take off for the day or a couple of days just on a drive to "somewhere" or to "get out of here for a while". I always thought that was sweet, their little vacations to the beach or shopping in Los Angeles, and this is what my mind tells me when I think of them. They are together on a getaway, and I guess that is fact in a way, except that this time they will not be coming home. That's the part that hurts.

It's those little things

2008-06-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

That help me smile everyday!

My son spent the day swimming and then he passed out on the couch, petting one of our cats. Anyone know a way to keep him a little boy forever?!?

Really Something, Isn't It ??

2008-06-02T10:22:00.000-07:00

This is so cool that I just had to share it! A friend emailed this to me and I found it fascinating! Chris, I immediately thought of you when I received this email - Butterflies! :)

It comes from Central America and is found from Mexico to Panama .
It is quite common in its zone, but it not easy to find because of its
transparent wings, which is a natural camouflage mechanism.

A butterfly with transparent wings is rare and beautiful. As delicate
as finely blown glass, the presence of this rare tropical gem is
used by rain forest ecologists as an indication of high habitat
quality and its demise alerts them of ecological change. Rivaling
the refined beauty of a stained glass window, the translucent
wings of the Glasswing butterfly shimmer in the sunlight like
polished panes of turquoise, orange, green, and red. All things
beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed: in life
that which is unnoticed has the most power.

Working on the Thomas the Tank Room

2008-06-01T10:29:00.001-07:00

Still working here, but almost there! Before and after. This one shows
the closet that I divided and reframed. I think that the pics came out DARK because the sun was coming in through the windows. I still have to cut, paint and put up
the top and bottom rails, they will be red as well. The idea is a Thomas the
Tank Engine room, we took an engine into the paint store and had it matched! Hubby nearly had an attack when he came home yesterday to all of this blue! Ha! What do you think?

THANK YOU!

2008-05-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the responses to my problem with FTD!

I received an email from my cousin who suggested that I make a donation to North Shore Animal League http://www.nsalamerica.org/ in my Aunt's name. She was a huge fan of this place and had adopted a few of her animals from them. I actually went there with her one summer and I do remember that she was supportive of this agency. So, I went ahead and made the donation to match the flower amount that I had ordered. I may go ahead and send flowers (NOT thru FTD) to the church as well. HGC http://www.hgcusa.org/ is our "home" church back in NJ and she attended there for many, many years. Singing along side her in the choir here was a highlight of my summer visits.

I appreciate your input. Thank you (again) for "listening" and for your help!

I need your help! What would you do?

2008-05-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's the thing. You all know that my Aunt Edie just passed away. Most of you know the relationship that we had; great friends as a child and young adult, and then horrid once my Mom was ill.

I debated since I was informed of her death, what should I do? I took the high road and recalling my childhood and the fact that I needed to do it for my Mom, ended up ordering a really nice floral stand from FTD online on Sunday.

THIS MORNING (did I mention that her funeral was at 11 this morning?), the phone rang at 8 AM my time (11AM in NJ) and it was FTD informing me that the florist did not get the flowers finished in time and wanted to know if they could make a delivery to the house instead.

Well," NO", I needed this to be AT THE FUNERAL and viewing!

My Aunt was a spinster, no family at the house, and now I look like a complete idiot in front of family and church members attending the funeral!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH I am so angry with FTD!

I'm considering (now that I've cooled down some) having flowers sent to the church (in Honor/ Memory of my Aunt). I'm thinking about telling FTD to DOUBLE the order and they pick up the additional cost.

Or Just leave it alone?

Input requested! Let me know what you think. What would YOU do?

2008-05-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

Some interesting Memorial Day information found here: http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html

I think this day is best summed up, for those of us who's lives have been touched by ALZ, in the words that I read on Robyn's blog this morning. So profound. So sad.

"How ironic. A holiday called Memorial Day. So many of us with LOs with Alz

remember them on this day at a time when they can no longer remember themselves."

http://rileramn.blogspot.com/

You say it's your birthday?

2008-05-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday - My son asked me a month or two ago who my favorite Disney character was. I said "Tinkerbell". Well, he went with it and last night I was the recipient of a"Tinkerbell" party!

Hurray, I feel five again!!

I may be getting older, but I don't wanna grow up - I'm still a ToysRUs kid!

Hubby stepped up and got me a new stereo (and the Wedding Singer collector's edition CD) for the kitchen, but it is way too big for my limited counterspace. Looks like I'll have to share and it will go into my new bedroom! He and my little guy also chose a cool Wizard of Oz music box (the wicked witch - think they're trying to tell me something??) and we watched 80's movies (yep, I'm an 80's girl) and we all fell asleep before we had cake! Unheard of! But, that's ok - Today is really my birthday and we'll get cake today for sure! HA!

2008-05-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

It has been some week. Sorry for the pause in blogging, but I have been a bit busy over here!

The newest news: I received a call this afternoon from my cousin back east informing me that my mother’s sister passed away today. This leaves me feeling strange, kind of empty, void of emotion. You see, this woman had been my favorite Auntie my entire childhood. She was my buddy, my friend, and would have been my guardian had anything happened to my parents before I reached the age of 18. She was my confidant, my “other” mother, we spent hours on the phone long distance and every summer was spent at her house in New Jersey. I would wait, not so patiently, counting the long months until I would be back home with her each year.

I loved her dearly.

Until my father passed away and my Mother got Alz. My Aunt was angry at this disease; she did not want to accept that her younger sister, my Mother, was ill. And she focused that anger on me. She came out here, said and did hurtful things that can now, never be reversed or resolved. I have not spoken to her since before my Mother passed. She chose not to keep in touch and refused to speak to me. She made me the “bad guy” in her world.

Now I do not know how to feel.

Other news:
The bedroom is nearly finished. The closet is completed, windows and doors framed and finished. My son’s room is in process. Paneling (again 2 layers) has been removed and walls are spackled and waiting to be sanded. His closet is going to be “open” and I am dividing it with a wall to put his dresser on one side and a double hanger on the other. I plan to paint it all “Thomas the tank engine” blue with red accents. The security doors have been built and installed on the French doors, so he will be safe in there! Carpet has been ordered and will be here (hopefully) by the first week of June. The bedroom furniture company called to schedule delivery for the 4th of June, so cross your fingers that the carpet is completed before the 4th!! I still await the completion of everything before I take and release that deep breath.

Fire Rainbow

2008-05-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

I thought this was so cool! I had to share it!

THIS IS A FIRE RAINBOW - THE RAREST OF ALL NATURALLY OCCURRING ATMOSPHERIC PHENOMENA. THE PICTURE WAS CAPTURED ON THE IDAHO / WASHINGTON BORDER. THE EVENT LASTED ABOUT 1 HOUR. CLOUDS HAVE TO BE CIRRUS, AT LEAST 20K FEET IN THE AIR, WITH JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ICE CRYSTALS AND THE SUN HAS TO HIT THE CLOUDS AT PRECISELY 58 DEGREES.

Mother's Day

2008-05-10T11:07:00.001-07:00

A friend sent this to me today and I wanted to share it with you all.

As I read this my thoughts flashed on the birth of my son, his toddler days, and the now of his childhood.

Of course I was also reminded of my own dear Mother and her loving care of me as I grew up.

I miss you so much and will always love you, Mom!

And then, as I re-read these words I thought of care giving and how we care for our loved ones as they are consumed by the horror of Alz. We all become "the Mom".

Happy Mother's Day my friends.

I love you!

May joy fill your heart this day.

May His presence surround you and bless your

life with peace and the assurance that you are loved!

May hope guide you into tomorrow.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Before I was a Mom

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry

whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over

a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that

I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes

to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy,

the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

2008-05-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday and I promised myself that I would not post again until I could write something that wasn't a downer.

I lied.

I have had a toothache for three days now and finally got into the dentist this morning, he said that I have to go to an oral surgeon and he can't see me until next week. Motrin. He gave me a prescription for Motrin. Now as a doctor, don't you think he has better pain killers at his disposal??

Other than this pain thing, work on the house continues. I am reminded of that Tom Hanks movie, The Money Pit, with each phone call that I make. The contractor said, "ten days" until he can build and weld on the security doors and screens for the french doors. The electrician said that he will call me when he comes back from vacation, in ten days. The carpet store said that it will take "ten days" to have the carpet in stock... A conspiracy! The bedroom furniture delivery company called and told me...Ready? That delivery will be anywhere from the 4th to the 14th... Yep, ten days! The problem with all of this is that it all has to be done in ORDER! I need carpeting down on the floor before the bedroom furniture arrives and the electrical work completed before we take delivery of the tv armoir. Complaining? Me?? Did I mention that the pool vacuum, that btw just came back from it's pool time checkup, refuses to, well, to vacuum? So...All the chemicals in the world dumped in the water that we intend to swim in and the pool has turned a lovely shade of gggggggggreen! One more tiny little primal scream and I'm through for now. We ordered a King size bed from Costco. They told us that it would take 6 weeks to be delivered. It arrived in 7 days. No room ready for it, no frame set up, so into the sun porch it went. The following morning the sun room smelled like every cat in the neighborhood had visited my new bed! Nasty stuff! I called Costco and explained that it must have come from the warehouse like this as it is still in the plastic and no animals have been on the sun porch. They apologized and will be out with a new bed and to remove this bed... In ten days. And the count down continues. Houston, we have a problem!

Random thoughts

2008-05-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

Why does everything have to be so hard? Gee, I think I read this question some where else recently!

Why do our lives, that for ever so long had been guided and encouraged by our parent's wishes and dreams for us; attempting to gain their approval and seeking to make them happy... have to change so drastically?

I feel that those of us caregivers who have lost our loved ones have all absolutely done the best job that we could. FINALLY we've come to the point where we can feel accomplished in the life long goal of successful, productive person, set way back when our parents held us, wrapped in soft blankets, rocking us in their arms and making those wishes for our future...And suddenly, the people to whom it would matter the most are no longer here to acknowledge this and celebrate with us. Does that make any sense at all? Gotta wonder if I'm losing it.

Filling in the holes

2008-04-29T11:53:00.000-07:00

I have nothing new to report, nothing much to say, I sit and stare at these walls, and look back at my childhood just down the hallway.

I'm beginning to work on my old bedroom. I grew up in this room. I had measles and tonsillitis there. I bounced so high on my bed that I touched the ceiling here. Years of paper dolls and Barbie complete with all the trimmings; I had cars, houses, horses, boats, pool toys and an unbelievable wardrobe just for those hundreds of Barbies and her family members. She was a spoiled girl, that Barbie! Because I grew up with the neighborhood boys, I also had miles of hot wheel track and cars, G.I. Joe (who by the way, made a perfect date for Barbie and gave Ken a run for his money many times). No computer in our home back then, we played forbidden card games (I learned how to be a card shark from my Grandma Mae, who didn't understand why Dad didn't want me to play with cards), board games, Chess, Checkers, Trouble, Battleship, Stratego, and our famous weekly Monopoly challenge! I listened to records and talked on the phone here. I nursed my first broken heart in this room. A million tears fell as I recovered and then finally I smiled and laughter echoed off these walls again.

I've just removed TWO layers of paneling (what were my parents thinking?!?). As I spackle and fill in the holes left from the nails, I also notice the holes from my many posters, photos and my first phone. I couldn't have my own phone until I could pay my own phone bill, so I worked. I started out babysitting and then many hours at the local theatre from the time I was nine years old! I have this strange feeling that filling in these holes would not bother me if they were in some one else's home. Here, I feel like I'm erasing my own history. Filling in the holes of my childhood. Go ahead and say it. I'm weird!

Frozen in time

2008-04-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

Frozen in time, photos of the past. Pieces of our lives. Memories, moments and smiles captured with a camera, stored away in a book, an envelope or a drawer.

I found these photos while attempting to empty my Dad's desk.

They were SO thrilled to finally have a grandchild!

My son is three days old here with Grandma and Grandpa. The first photo was his first visit to Disneyland when he was 10 months old.

It was hard to post these and harder still to know that there will be no more photos of my son with his grandparents as he grows up. No more grandparent memories to make.

I'm sad today.

Sent to me, sharing with you!

2008-04-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

Tax Day

2008-04-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

April 15th. Tonight my husband will spend an hour, from 11 - 12 watching the news. He does this every year, getting some kind of perverse thrill watching those poor souls standing in line at the post office, mailing their tax returns at the last possible moment.

Me, I get our taxes completed as soon as the tax forms hit my mailbox! This year, doing Mom's tax prep for our CPA was not fun. I procrastinated, I cried, I didn't get the receipts and forms to him until the beginning of March and I'm sure at this point he's ready to shoot me! Usually he files electronically for her. This year I haven't heard a word from him, so I'm praying that a package does not arrive in today's mail for me to sign it all and get checks made out to the IRS. I guess what I'm really hoping is that tonight hubby is not watching ME on the news, that I am not one of those poor souls standing in line at the post office mailing Mom's tax return at the last possible moment!

2008-04-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning and I have my reason to smile today - My son requested "brunch" of french fries and a grilled cheese sandwich. He's not really a breakfast eater, so he gets a lot of brunches!

This morning as I served his requested meal, he took a (baked) french fry and proclaimed, "McMommie's is better than McDonald's" - Doesn't get any better than that! I have exceeded the Holy Grail of fast food in excellence! I'm a happy Mommy! :-)

I am sore. My back, arms and shoulders are crying for mercy, but in a good way, at least I now feel that I'm getting SOMETHING done around here. I've been working on the house, spackeling, sanding, priming, painting and finally pulled up the carpeting (and all of those nail strips) in Mom's room.

The house was nearly covered in mirrors. Dad thought that it helped make the house look bigger with all of that reflected light in every room, on every wall. Hubby said it was like living in the house of mirrors at the amusement park. Each glass tile that I peel off is killing me. I feel like I'm removing pieces of my Dad. Yes, it does look better, but still, this will always be "their home" and I'm apprehensive to change these walls, the rooms, the home of my childhood.

All of these feelings are confusing to me. I want to be happy, to feel satisfied with the work that I am doing, but at the same time, a part of me feels guilt for changing things. I'm still on the emotional roller coaster, up and down, up and down. Will I ever get back to "me" again?

Sent to me from my cousin in PA!

2008-04-04T00:12:00.001-07:00

50 years of images in 3 minutes .. just awesome .. enjoy

Someone went to a lot of trouble to put this video together. It is well worth the time for a couple minutes of enjoyment. It takes a few seconds or so to load but very entertaining. This is great.... Turn up volume, sit back and enjoy a review of 50 years of history in less than 3 minutes! Thanks to Billy Joel and someone from Caltech with too much time on Google! Just click on the link below. When the song starts it helps to click on Lyrics in the lower right. Use the full screen option on the upper left if the images are too big or too small.
http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~yeli23/Flash/Fire.html

A rose for you, my friends

2008-04-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

Wanna know a secret?

2008-04-02T22:31:00.001-07:00

After much debating within myself, I came to the conclusion that you would not hold it against me if I tell you that I also have a "my space" address. Want to see a (slightly) different side to me? Well, okay.

http://www.myspace.com/cinnamininspace

April's Fool

2008-04-01T09:44:00.001-07:00

Rabbit, rabbit!

The first day of a new month. A fresh start. Renewal. Spring!

Every year on April 1st I have a secret chuckle when I recall receiving the final divorce decree from my first marriage in the mail. I didn't get them until the end of the month, but as heartbroken as I was, I had to smile when I saw that they had been signed by the judge on...You guessed it, April Fool's Day! A fitting tribute to THAT marriage! :-)